Some Truths Hurt, and It's Okay

Over the past several months, and as recently as yesterday, I have had several people tell me what they honestly thought of me, and it was not pleasant. Now let me preface this by saying two things:

1. I am not telling you this to garner unwarranted pity.
2. These were people who love me and still want to have relationships with me.

As good people, we are always exorting those in our lives to be honest with us, aren't we? Those of you with children probably teach this topic constantly as there are so many different ways to be honest and dishonest that a well mannered kid these days needs to know about. I don't have kids, but I do tell those in my life that I always want them to be honest with me. And I really do, even when it hurts me. I might even go so far as to say especially when it hurts me. Not because I am a sadist or because my vanity is thick enough to protect my heart from Truth's ravages. Rather, because I really care about those in my Life, and I want them to feel valued by me. If they do not feel valued something needs to change, and it cannot change unless those in my life are honest with me. Yes? Yes.

Honesty is something that sounds easy enough, yet can, and frequently does, require great amounts of courage to bring forth-especially to those who you feel under value you. We might think, "Why bother setting the record straight with that person when they don't really care about me, my feelings or my Life anyway?" While that is understandable, it allows for a pocket of resentment to form and fester. If left unattended, this puss pocket of resentment will become raw enough that the least brush against it will cause an erruption. Trust me. And to the person we errupt against, it may make us look a bit over-the-top since to them it was just a "brush by", and they cannot fathom what would cause such an eruption! Can I get an "Amen!"? I think we have all been there and done that, literally.

Honesty entails an accompanying responsibility we hold when we have been offended. We are responsible for communicating to those around us how we feel. If we do not speak, we cannot clear the air, and consequently neither can the offending party. Honesty then becomes the proverbial "two way street", with responsibility living on both sides of the street.

But enough of that for now. You all get what I'm saying I think. What I wanted to get to was the part where those in my life ponied up and told me truthfully what they thought of me. I want to acknowlege the guts it took to tell me the things they felt. I think especially in today's world of political correctness, and morals like"if-you-kill-a-fly-you-are-a-bad-person", we can feel it is not always even right to make another person feel momentarily uncomfortable, even if it is for a good reason. Now, I am all about equal rights for all, and all that jazz, but that is an entirely different subject. We are talking about Honesty as an action word, and Courage as its BFF. I deeply admire and love those of you who make an exerted effort to be honest with me. Thank you!

I believe I mentioned it in my most recent post, but I have for the most part lived my life by making choices based in fear. I know I come off as overly confident, but when it comes down to making decisions and balancing responsibilities and others' expectations I get major anxiety. Major. I tell you this so you don't think I callously expect Honesty and Courage from others if I do not make the same efforts in my own life. I get anxiety over the littlest things, and frequently allow my anxieties to prevent me from following through on things I want/need/have to do. So I can understand if others may get anxiety, too, at the thought of what it would mean to confront or present someone with a hidden truth. I totally get that.

We never know what it may have taken for a person to get up the courage to express a truth, and I hope we can appreciate that fact even if the Truth isn't always appetizing to swallow. Would we rather live in an imagined blissful ignorance, or would we like to know the truth and work to "own" what it means? I am serious. I have come to appreciate that many, many people would rather not know the truth. This makes me sad...and it will eventually depress them as well, even if they do not tangibly understand why.

Living in Truth allows us to be free. Yes, it will require more effort and understanding, but it will also be satisfying and a source of true bliss. Truth allows us all to move forward. Truth removes doubts and insecurities. Truth is a state in which to Live and not just a thing to be with ourselves and others.

My friends and loved ones, I did not write all these things about Truth and Honesty to preach at you and then just jump off my soap box and walk away. There is purpose in the things I write like you cannot believe! I mean these things very much and I want only to express the things I have learned by talking about how I have learned them. Sometimes the truthful things are the things that ache the most, but there is always a way to clean the wound as soon as we know it is there. If I have learned nothing else by going through these experiences, it is that Hope abounds where Truth is found-regardless of which type of Truth it is: happy, sad, angry, misunderstood, hidden, blatant, forgotten and the like.

I will leave you with these last thoughts on Honesty. When breaking an unpleasant Truth, make an effort to be gentle. Let the Truth sink in before just plowing ahead in an effort to "get it over with". Take and make the time to get it right. Try not to let anger choose your words and actions. Remember, we are responsible, too, for our Truths.

And lastly, give yourself the permission to set things straight even if you know the process may not be pleasant. Most of the bad things we expect do not go as badly in reality as they do in our minds. Say a prayer for Courage and take a step forward into the Light of Truth. I will try to do the same.

With Love,

Autumn